Have you ever...?
Have you ever had that feeling where you've finally come to accept the person in the mirror as someone beautiful and unique..? Have you ever had that feeling because of someone else? Someone who loves you deeply enough to make you see that you are beautiful. Someone whose love for you is strong enough to hold you up if you feel like you've lost your footing. If you've ever felt like I have done before, and you have that someone now, you will know what I mean.
I was never the most popular girl in class, I didn't get my first kiss when I was 7 behind the monkey bars in the playground. I was the quiet one, the one who never really spoke up in class. I was shy and blushed if the teacher called on me in class. As I grew older, the more I looked at my reflection, the more I wondered who could ever come to love what I saw?
When I was 15, I met a guy online.. he seemed really nice, and as time went by I thought that maybe I had been wrong. Maybe someone could love me.
About five years later, I realise I've been deceived; this guy has known all about me, but he has told me only a minimum about himself. It isn't until I actually physically meet him that I see for myself he's been pulling the wool over my eyes for all those years. The very moment I see him, I know that there was never love involved. Certainly not from my point of view. As I look at him, it's crystal clear to me that I have been tricked into thinking I loved him. For all those years, he has been elusive and cleverly avoided giving me any more than the most necessary "need-to-know" pieces of information about himself. During my stay, something happens that awakens the loathing in me. During and after this episode, I completely stop having any sort of emotion for him except something that's bordering hatred.
When I break it off in a mass of tears and arguing (tears from him, anger from me), it feels as if I'm free. I can do what I want, say what I want and hang out with whomever I want.
He is still hounding me with hourlong pointless phonecalls when I again meet someone online. Right away I can tell this guy is different; he tells me about himself and his life. He tells me about his past, which hasn't been rosy when it comes to love. I tell him what happened to me, and the more we talk the stronger the bond we have built feels. It's like I've known him for years. Unlike the other one, he sends me his picture and apologises for not sending it sooner. Three weeks is much sooner than never sending me one at all. He is charming and fun and good-looking, and needless to say; I fall in love.
Just under 9 months later, I meet him when I'm on vacation with a friend. The moment I see him, butterflies are soaring in my stomach and I can't stop smiling. This is so unlike what I have experienced before, and I know that it's love. It feels so freeing to walk beside him, knowing everything about him and him knowing everything about me. It feels wonderful to walk around feeling beautiful because of someone else.
Very recently, my beloved made my dreams come true when he very sweetly proposed to me over MSN. I do realise some people might be wondering why the hell he'd do it like that, but since we met online it was the sweetest thing to do! :o) I am being told however, that there will be another proposal when I come to see him during Easter. (And yes - the waterproof mascara is already on my packing list!) I cannot believe that I have this amazing man, someone who loves me as much as he does. I have someone whom I love more than anything, someone who makes me feel as if I can reach up and pick the stars from the sky.
Now, because of my wonderful fiancé, when I look in the mirror, I might not be perfectly at peace with all of me, but I recognise the beauty that I too have in me.
Thank you, honey... you're the bestest! :o)
I was never the most popular girl in class, I didn't get my first kiss when I was 7 behind the monkey bars in the playground. I was the quiet one, the one who never really spoke up in class. I was shy and blushed if the teacher called on me in class. As I grew older, the more I looked at my reflection, the more I wondered who could ever come to love what I saw?
When I was 15, I met a guy online.. he seemed really nice, and as time went by I thought that maybe I had been wrong. Maybe someone could love me.
About five years later, I realise I've been deceived; this guy has known all about me, but he has told me only a minimum about himself. It isn't until I actually physically meet him that I see for myself he's been pulling the wool over my eyes for all those years. The very moment I see him, I know that there was never love involved. Certainly not from my point of view. As I look at him, it's crystal clear to me that I have been tricked into thinking I loved him. For all those years, he has been elusive and cleverly avoided giving me any more than the most necessary "need-to-know" pieces of information about himself. During my stay, something happens that awakens the loathing in me. During and after this episode, I completely stop having any sort of emotion for him except something that's bordering hatred.
When I break it off in a mass of tears and arguing (tears from him, anger from me), it feels as if I'm free. I can do what I want, say what I want and hang out with whomever I want.
He is still hounding me with hourlong pointless phonecalls when I again meet someone online. Right away I can tell this guy is different; he tells me about himself and his life. He tells me about his past, which hasn't been rosy when it comes to love. I tell him what happened to me, and the more we talk the stronger the bond we have built feels. It's like I've known him for years. Unlike the other one, he sends me his picture and apologises for not sending it sooner. Three weeks is much sooner than never sending me one at all. He is charming and fun and good-looking, and needless to say; I fall in love.
Just under 9 months later, I meet him when I'm on vacation with a friend. The moment I see him, butterflies are soaring in my stomach and I can't stop smiling. This is so unlike what I have experienced before, and I know that it's love. It feels so freeing to walk beside him, knowing everything about him and him knowing everything about me. It feels wonderful to walk around feeling beautiful because of someone else.
Very recently, my beloved made my dreams come true when he very sweetly proposed to me over MSN. I do realise some people might be wondering why the hell he'd do it like that, but since we met online it was the sweetest thing to do! :o) I am being told however, that there will be another proposal when I come to see him during Easter. (And yes - the waterproof mascara is already on my packing list!) I cannot believe that I have this amazing man, someone who loves me as much as he does. I have someone whom I love more than anything, someone who makes me feel as if I can reach up and pick the stars from the sky.
Now, because of my wonderful fiancé, when I look in the mirror, I might not be perfectly at peace with all of me, but I recognise the beauty that I too have in me.
Thank you, honey... you're the bestest! :o)
posted by Lady Lovelylocks at 11:30 PM
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