One
A friend once asked me a question, a question that stuck by me for a long time and still hasn't left my mind. It keeps coming back to me at times; prodding my mind, searching for an answer. What if the only thing you ever wanted, was the only thing you could not have? A question that might seem easy enough, but is much harder to answer than ask. Let me tell you a story…
*~*~*
One Second…
That was all it took for me to fall for her. She smiled at me, and I was in love. It's strange thinking back like this, so many years ago, but her face and the scent of her is still fresh in my mind. Nothing can rock the memory of her, nothing. Even if I cease to exist to the rest of the world and drift into a world of my own and all my memories fade, the memory of her will stay with me. How I can tell? Because true love can never fade from your memory, no matter what happens it will always stay. She was all I needed. Just thinking about her makes me smile, can you see it? We had the time of our lives together, her and I. When we got married I cried, all I had ever wanted lay before us. We were together and set to spend the rest of our lives together, one life we would share in the end. My life, and her memory.
One Hour…
The longest of my life. Sitting there in the waiting room, barely able to stand still for more than two minutes. I was so thrilled, all sorts of emotions rushing through my body. We were going to have a child, her and me. A little baby girl. Her water had broke as we sat at breakfast, and I sped to the hospital with her. The doctors placed me in the waiting area, along with other restless fathers-to-be. We all smiled at each other, got talking about our babies and what we would do when they grew up. I've never felt such an atmosphere like in that waiting room, all that excitement and happiness. A few of the men just sat in their chairs with big wide smiles fixed on their faces, while others again were like me. Couldn't sit still, had to move. I wish I could have been there with her, held her hand and helped her through it. Maybe she would have been here now if I had been there. She died, my wife, whilst giving birth to our daughter. She never made it either, her little lungs weren't strong enough. My baby girl died only twenty minutes after her mother, and I never got a chance to hold her while she was alive. It may sound strange, but when they died a part of me died too. I knew they were gone even before the doctor came in to get me. My two angels had left me alone here on earth. Just the memory of them left.
One Day…
The longest, most painful of my life. I remember cursing everything I could think of; the sun for shining when she wasn't around to enjoy it anymore, the rain for falling when she wasn't around to dance in it, the birds for singing when she wasn't around to listen, me for living when my life could have been taken instead of hers. One night when the rain fell heavily against the ground, just after they had passed on, I stood in our garden screaming at the skies. The only thing I wanted, and still want to this day, are their lives back. I want their lives given back to them, so they can spend them with me like we planned. Just one more chance. That is all I ever want, but also the one thing that can never be granted to me. I know that now, I've settled with it. But that doesn't stop me from missing my wife, every minute of every day. And my baby girl, I miss them so much it hurts inside. Can you see it in my eyes?
The day I buried them was the hardest of my life, but something told me that they wanted me to go on and live our life as if they were there. So I have, lived it the way we planned and I will do so till the day I am no more.
One Lifetime, One Eternity…
That's how long I have missed them and how long I will continue to love them. I have lost count over how many times I've prayed and wished for a chance to give them their lives back, and I cannot remember ever wanting anything so badly or more in my entire lifetime. But not even modern technology can help me with this; nothing can ever bring me the only thing I ever truly want. Their lifetime here on earth wasn't meant to be a long one, mine was. My lifetime I spent living like we would have, with them both in my heart. Now my lifetime has passed too, and I know that tonight when I turn out the lights I will see them again. It has been sixty-three years since my wife gave her yes to me, and sixty years since she and my little girl passed away. Now, at the age of eighty-five, I love them both just as much as I did sixty years ago. And when I see them tonight after the lights have all burned out, we will spend eternity together. Just like we set out to do from the very first second our eyes met.
What if the only thing you ever wanted, is the only thing you could not have? That is a question for each individual to find their own answer to. No philosopher or professor will ever find an answer that goes for all, for it is in the hearts and minds of each man and woman that their answer lays. All they have to do is to find the right way through the maze of wishes…
*~*~*
© Lady L., 2001.
*~*~*
One Second…
That was all it took for me to fall for her. She smiled at me, and I was in love. It's strange thinking back like this, so many years ago, but her face and the scent of her is still fresh in my mind. Nothing can rock the memory of her, nothing. Even if I cease to exist to the rest of the world and drift into a world of my own and all my memories fade, the memory of her will stay with me. How I can tell? Because true love can never fade from your memory, no matter what happens it will always stay. She was all I needed. Just thinking about her makes me smile, can you see it? We had the time of our lives together, her and I. When we got married I cried, all I had ever wanted lay before us. We were together and set to spend the rest of our lives together, one life we would share in the end. My life, and her memory.
One Hour…
The longest of my life. Sitting there in the waiting room, barely able to stand still for more than two minutes. I was so thrilled, all sorts of emotions rushing through my body. We were going to have a child, her and me. A little baby girl. Her water had broke as we sat at breakfast, and I sped to the hospital with her. The doctors placed me in the waiting area, along with other restless fathers-to-be. We all smiled at each other, got talking about our babies and what we would do when they grew up. I've never felt such an atmosphere like in that waiting room, all that excitement and happiness. A few of the men just sat in their chairs with big wide smiles fixed on their faces, while others again were like me. Couldn't sit still, had to move. I wish I could have been there with her, held her hand and helped her through it. Maybe she would have been here now if I had been there. She died, my wife, whilst giving birth to our daughter. She never made it either, her little lungs weren't strong enough. My baby girl died only twenty minutes after her mother, and I never got a chance to hold her while she was alive. It may sound strange, but when they died a part of me died too. I knew they were gone even before the doctor came in to get me. My two angels had left me alone here on earth. Just the memory of them left.
One Day…
The longest, most painful of my life. I remember cursing everything I could think of; the sun for shining when she wasn't around to enjoy it anymore, the rain for falling when she wasn't around to dance in it, the birds for singing when she wasn't around to listen, me for living when my life could have been taken instead of hers. One night when the rain fell heavily against the ground, just after they had passed on, I stood in our garden screaming at the skies. The only thing I wanted, and still want to this day, are their lives back. I want their lives given back to them, so they can spend them with me like we planned. Just one more chance. That is all I ever want, but also the one thing that can never be granted to me. I know that now, I've settled with it. But that doesn't stop me from missing my wife, every minute of every day. And my baby girl, I miss them so much it hurts inside. Can you see it in my eyes?
The day I buried them was the hardest of my life, but something told me that they wanted me to go on and live our life as if they were there. So I have, lived it the way we planned and I will do so till the day I am no more.
One Lifetime, One Eternity…
That's how long I have missed them and how long I will continue to love them. I have lost count over how many times I've prayed and wished for a chance to give them their lives back, and I cannot remember ever wanting anything so badly or more in my entire lifetime. But not even modern technology can help me with this; nothing can ever bring me the only thing I ever truly want. Their lifetime here on earth wasn't meant to be a long one, mine was. My lifetime I spent living like we would have, with them both in my heart. Now my lifetime has passed too, and I know that tonight when I turn out the lights I will see them again. It has been sixty-three years since my wife gave her yes to me, and sixty years since she and my little girl passed away. Now, at the age of eighty-five, I love them both just as much as I did sixty years ago. And when I see them tonight after the lights have all burned out, we will spend eternity together. Just like we set out to do from the very first second our eyes met.
What if the only thing you ever wanted, is the only thing you could not have? That is a question for each individual to find their own answer to. No philosopher or professor will ever find an answer that goes for all, for it is in the hearts and minds of each man and woman that their answer lays. All they have to do is to find the right way through the maze of wishes…
*~*~*
© Lady L., 2001.
posted by Lady Lovelylocks at 10:44 PM
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