Everything

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby
And you've never met anyone who’s
As negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone who’s
As positive as I am sometimes

Sometimes, I wonder how he can love me like he does. Sometimes, I’m the biggest idiot in the world, and he stays with me. I can bottle up feelings like no one else can, and I can be angry for days but I’ll never let him see how frustrated I am. Sometimes, all I see is black and hell-like. In my eyes, things never work out and everything is wrong. But that’s not all the time. I can be the sun itself, always cheering him on and always saying everything will be okay in the end. I can be the dumbest person he’s ever met, and I can be the smartest girl he ever talked to. He’ll laugh at me when I scream and make a fuss over little bugs. And he’ll applaud me with quiet surprise when I jump into black waters, knowing how much it freaks me out.

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

But despite all of me, he stays with me. He loves me for all of what I am. If I’m mad and feel like sulking, he’ll look at me and give me that smile of his. And I’ll smile, no matter how much I still want to sulk and be awful. He thinks I look cute when I get mad, and he’ll kiss my nose and it will throw me off my cursing course and I’ll be calm again. When I try to disguise my wobbly stomach, he’ll expose it and smile as he kisses it all over, just because he loves it and he’ll call me soft. When I say I’m fat and gross, he’ll kiss me and tell me I’m soft and curvy. Everything I try to hide about me, he loves. Nobody can understand me like he can.

I blame everyone else and not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I’m terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone who’s
As closed down as I am sometimes

He’s the one that drags me out into the light, when all I want to do is to hide in the shadows. When everything he says is wrong in my ears, he doesn’t yell or scream at me to lighten the hell up. He’ll let me well in my misery, and then he’ll rescue me from it. Sometimes, I’m sure I go through every possible mood. Sometimes, I’m frustrated and unable to do anything right for an entire day, and I’ll blame my mistakes on everyone else. I can hold him at arm’s length, refusing to let him close. I can cry several times during a day, for no reason. And he goes through it all with me.

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

He loves everything that’s good and bright in me, just as much as he loves all my bad habits and my dark sides. He’ll teach me when there are things I don’t know, and he’ll listen when there are things I know and he doesn’t. He can sit silently, just watching me, for hours without growing tired. He loves the faces I make when I read, how my lips move as I mutely read what I write. When I sing and dance, he watches me with an amused smile on his face, but he never puts me down if I sing out of tune. He never points and laughs if I dance like a fool. He’ll join in with me instead, just to ease my embarrassment when I suddenly see him standing there.

What I resist persists and speaks louder than I know
What I resist you love no matter how low or high I go

I’m the funniest woman that you’ve ever known
I’m the dullest woman that you’ve ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who’s as everything as I am sometimes

I can make him laugh out loud, I know just how to put a smile on his face. Sometimes, I must be the most boring person he ever met. I can sit quietly for hours with my nose in a book and say that it’s fun. Or I can sit with headphones on and listen to music, drifting off in my own world, leaving him sat aimlessly in the sofa without anything to do. We’ll go off on adventures together, exploring new places we’ve never been without any map or direction. I can watch him as he potters about the kitchen, because he loves making me breakfast, and my eyes will flood with tears. He’ll look at me and smile, and I’ll be overwhelmed at the love in his face. Sometimes, I cannot believe that the most amazing man alive is my husband. He stays with me, despite all my wrongs and rights. He loves me, because of all that I am and everything I’m not. Sometimes, he’ll tell me he never knew someone as everything as me existed.

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

He loves me when I feel beautiful, and he loves me when I feel ugly. He laughs with me when I’m happy, and he holds me when I’m sad. He adores my face; be it laughing or crying. He fights with me and tells me I’m impossible, he makes love to me and tells me I’m amazing. He finds ways to relate to anything I might go through, and he understands me. He finds my mind intriguing and mysterious, and he can find it an empty place. He worships my body; hidden or exposed. He tells me my heart is bigger than all of me, that my soul is caring. He tells me the truth, whether or not I may want to hear it. He isn’t afraid to show me how he feels, because he is as everything as I am. He loves me deeply; despite and because of all that I am. He stays with me, and he calls me his angel even when we fight.

I love him more than he will ever know.





© “Everything”, Alanis Morissette

© Lady L., 2006